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While I write this blog for me, I welcome readers and positive comments. I know that in the "bonus" "step" "blended" or what ever you want to call my family world there is a lot of negativity and depression. I'm just trying to find my way through this with some sanity and to help my fellow travelers who are are the same type of path. Life is not easy but then when things are easy they just don't feel right, I find you appreciate things more when you earn them (and food wise, the easy meal doesn't taste as good as the homecooked meal). So sit back and relax and join me in a glass of wine and share in what I am learning.

Monday, June 6, 2011

My husband is sad

My husband is sad, he’s sad he didn’t see SD for his birthday. He’s sad he doesn’t understand her anymore. He got a card for his birthday this weekend, a funny card because he’s the “funny card” type of guy, at least that is how TM and the child see him. He really isn’t the funny card type of guy. Honestly he’s the sweet make you cry type of card guy. So he is 100% surprised that he got the card and then disappointed by what the child wrote in the card and disappointed in the fact that TM and his own daughter don’t know him well enough to know what kind of card to send him. He didn’t get a call or text from the child or a message on FB. NOTHING BUT A CARD. And he is sad. He is sad today because it’s the child’s birthday. He got her a card and we put flowers on her front porch for her to get this morning. He sent her a text this morning, “Happy birthday, check your front porch. Have a great day. I love you.” He didn’t even get a response from her. My husband is sad and I don’t know what to do.
Yesterday I woke hubby up with his special birthday present. We snuggled in bed with the puppies for an hour later. We went for a bike ride, 11 miles, mostly uphill, and I fell. I have clip in shoes that I’ve been wearing for 3 years now. We were stopping and I clipped out, but when I put my foot down my shoe clipped in again and I ate it bad. I popped the gel on my glove and ended up with a nasty bruise on my hand. After that, we showered and got ready to go. We went to 5 different pubs for wings and then desserts at different places. We met with one of hubby’s friends and from 2-9 we celebrated hubby’s birthday. All of that and my husband is sad.

Last night my husband snuggled in bed with me and thanked me for the great day, but he is still sad. He picked fights with me all day because he is sad. He doesn’t know how to process, he actually said the word process, and he doesn’t understand other people’s feelings and how they change reality due to their perspective, even stone cold hard facts. All I know is my heart hurts for him. He is sad, I can’t do anything to take that away or help him with that.
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5 comments:

  1. AnonymousJune 7, 2011 at 3:27 AM

    All the biking in the world isn't going to fix the hole in his heart where his daughter belongs. You should encourage him to see/visit/talk to her. Flowers on the porch is not going to repair a broken relationship.

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  2. stepmomma troubleJune 7, 2011 at 9:08 AM

    Mrs. W, I do know that flowers won't fix anything, but someone actually has to be open to being a part of a relationship for it to be fixed. I do encourage hubby to call and text his daughter, should I put on here each week when he sends a text or leaves her a voicemail that go unanswered? The thing is I do what I can to encourage him to do what is right, but I have no control over what the child does.

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  3. TaliaJune 7, 2011 at 12:17 PM

    I am so sorry to hear this. It is so hard to see someone we love in pain.

    Sadly, it sounds like a typical case of PAS and I understand first hand how difficult this is to overcome. With any luck, his daughter will come to know how much he loves her and wants a relationship with her. However, like you said, you can't 'force' her...it has to come freely.

    Hugs to you and to your hubby. Life in a blended family is not for the faint of heart.

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  4. stepmomma troubleJune 7, 2011 at 2:24 PM

    Thanks Talia and no, this life is not for the faint of heart.

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  5. AshrrsJune 7, 2011 at 4:16 PM

    That is how I feel all the time. I hate seeing my husband so sad. It hurts my heart.

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