Ex-In-Laws

I am angry today. I am angry because of the obligations hubby has to his ex-in-laws. The same people that cut him out of his life and believed all the lies TM told about him. I am angry with being a scapegoat and hubby being a scapegoat. First I will talk about the anger I have towards my sister-in-law and brother-in-law. When I became involved with hubby he was living in an apartment with SD EOW and every Wednesday and Tuesday for a few hours and every other Wednesday overnight. He had a house that TM and him were fighting over, the house that was left to him and his brother when his mother died. His brother is a waste. The requirement for his brother to live in the house rent free was he was to pay the property taxes and clean up the house, mom was a horder. 2 years after they got the property the house had a lien on it because brother had not paid the property taxes, he blew through 75K, money from his mom's estate, and was another 60K in debt. He had quit his job and was living the high life. Hubby then took out a loan on the house, paid his brother's debts, and did some work on the house. I wasn't around so I just have his side of the story. Brother was suppose to pay rent to hubby each month to pay the loan off, that never happened. Forward another 3 years DH had moved out, rented an apartment (as brother and friends were living in the house) and I got involved with hubby. DH had to refinance the house to get TM's name off the house and loan. DH had to take out 50K from his retirement to pay off lawyers and fix the mess made in the house from the damage BIL and his friends did to the house. BIL had no more money in the house after his debts and the money it took to clean the house. I even helped to get the house cleaned up enough to appraise for half the value of what the house should have appraised for to get TM's name off the house. I can tell you this, if you have ever been in a horder's house you know what kind of a mess I'm talking about. You could not even get into the basement, it was full of crap. There were 4 bedrooms upstairs, each friend and BIL had a room (yes, 4 men living in the house). There was a huge 165 lb. dog and a cat living there, BIL's animals, and no one cleaned. DH could not afford CS, attorney's bills, living, and supporting BIL and his friends in the house so he kicked all the friends out and let BIL still live in the house, BIL had no job and no where to go. DH and I started to clean up the house, the basement was first. We got a huge dumpster in front of our house and filled it twice. We took runs to goodwill with the things that were still usable and spent many weeks on this little project. We found out that since BIL did not clean out the cat litter box the cat was going anywhere it could, mostly in the basement. By the time hubby and I married the basement was clear and we had three bedrooms and  1 1/2 bathrooms cleaned and fixed up, this took about 8 months. It got to the point where the only rooms left were BIL's horded bedroom and the living room areas, where BIL lived, and the kitchen. Everything else had been cleaned up and rehabed to the best of our ability and according to our funds. I was actually still living in my apartment at the time, as hubby wanted to give BIL time to find another place to life. We had started working on the outside of the house and getting things cleaned up. During all this time, about 1 1/2 years I had tried to make sure to help hubby heal his relationship with his family. During Christmas I would make sure he got little things for his brother's dog (his brother's reason for living) and things for his sister. We would go to Thanksgiving dinner (usually with us paying) at a great buffet/brunch place and we would take them out for Christmas Dinner, real healing kind of things. Then, because of altercations between BIL and hubby and SD things got worse. BIL is an alcoholic, he can drink a fifth in one day and pass out and won't rememeber what he did. He would walk into SD's bedroom without knocking and talk his crap, let the huge dog in there and not remember the next day. The final incident was when he got so drunk he started to push hubby around and hubby had to call the police. Then the rule of no alcohol in the house, he could not come home drunk, he could not drink, basically, he could not be in a situation where it would happen again. So BIL started to leave on the weekends, leaving his animals with us to take care of and really going into a hole.
Hubby was tired, I was tired, and he finally got to the point where he told BIL that he was done and he had until the end of the summer to find a place and to get out. Of course, that was all my fault. I was the one that ruined BIL and hubby's relationship. If I never came around then things would be great, etc... No one really cared (except hubby) that I was reaching my financial limit trying to support two households and hubby had to help support two households and things were getting bad. Whatever. So in June of 2010 BIL ended up having a stroke in our home in the bathroom. Hubby found him, called 911 and they got him to the hospital. We found out that BIL had been doing meth since the beginning of the year, as he could not handle the fact that hubby and I had "taken" his home from him and he had nothing to live for but his dog, all my fault according to BIL. SO BIL is in ICU, no medical insurance, no assets, a total waste, but the doctors are doing all they can to save his life. After that hubby and I got to work on cleaning up his living area, and it was the most gut wrenching disgusting thing I ever did. Hauling out couches that were still wet from urine, BIL's urine that he slept in. Garbage and dirty plates and dirt and just disgusting filth. Packing crap up because SIL is so upset that we are throwing away things BIL might want, filling up our storage under the house and a whole deck full of crap. So she starts to take some of the things to her house, so now she has a garage full of BIL's crap, our storage under the house if full of BIL's crap, and we have half a deck full of BIL's crap. SIL even yelled at huby for taking some of the things to see if they were worth anything at a pawn shop even though SIL took some of the things for her own. BIL is at an adult facility because he cannot walk, he cannot fully use his left arm and cannot talk, due to the stroke. 6 months later hubby and I have finished redoing the main bathroom, as it was so filthy no one could even take a shower in the room and there was mold on the walls and the ceiling was falling down, finished cleaning the spaces his brother occupied and I have moved into the house. A few months later we come home to find the gate to our backyard open and the dog is gone. During the time before that we got the dog neutered, licensed, shots, and healthy again, spending about a grand in the process. SIL comes over last week screaming at hubby and I because we didn't tell her that the dog was gone. I had tried calling her but when I tried she was not at her office. Just screaming at us about the fact that we threw things away and took things to goodwill and how dare we not tell her the dog was gone. I figured she knew because she had come over before and said nothing about the dog not being there. Come to find out she had BIL in the car, he didn't want to come in and see this dog that is his only reason for living? So I was fed up. I went off. Basically about how much money we spent on the dog, the food, 40LBS. of dog food a week, getting shots, licenses, etc. and all the crap we cleaned up for the waste of space and all the crap we still have stored. She said that she though we got rid of the dog. Never mind the fact that BIL had friends come and take the dog for play dates earlier, something no one told us about, and no one told us they were not still doing that because I threw a fit about his friends on our property without our knowledge. No, we are the scapegoats because hubby and I truly believe that he had a friend or a friend of a friend come and take the dog, but they both say it didn't happen and we had to have done something like taken the dog out and shoot him. So now SIL is pissed and I am done. I am done being the scapegoat for entitled people. I am done with the fact that no matter what we have done in the past to make things easier or to heal the relationship we are seen in the worse possible way. I am done with all the in-law crap. I told hubby that it is his responsiblity to repair those relationships, if he wants to. I am not doing the work.