Thursday, March 17, 2011
How much influence do steps have?
I have to say that I am a part of an amazing group of stepmoms. I have made some friends that I feel really close with. It's like we have been in battle together and have made friendships from that trama. My question is how much influence do we really have as stepmoms? I feel that I came into the life of the child to late to really influence her and her actions. She knows what she can get away with and not get away with when it comes to my expectations and reactions. I feel I have been very good with consistency. Manners are a must with me, when she doesn't say please of thank you she doesn't get it again. I have a LONG memory and find that I can remember last week when something happened, even if the child and hubby cannot, which they HATE. I can say that friends and co-workers have told me how improved her behavior was according to what they had seen before. Teachers and counselors have told us that she has improved behavior and habits the more she spends time with us. Life at our house is hard, we have expectations and rules and she knows this and she has proven that she can tow the line. The problem is the fact that TM does not make her tow the line at her house and actually lets her out of school when she has a french test, so she can make it up when she is more prepared, and excuses her from school. TM also allows SD to go out late at night, TM works late hours and does not supervise her child, so of course the child wants to be at moms. I don't know. I wish I could say that of course steps have influence, but all I can see from my end is the only influence I have is showing the child how she needs to act differently according to the different situations.
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I think it depends on the situation, but I do think a lot of times we do have influence. In my case, I have introduced my SS to things he never really would have come in contact with... like going to a play, or certain foods, like corned beef and cabbage. But he also reads on a 10th grade reading level in the 6th grade and I do believe that is because I was the one who read with him everyday after school and made him sound out words ect. He is also going straight to Algebra next year, not pre-Algebra... and being that I am the only one between DH, BM and I with any Math skills, I also think this is a result of my influence.
ReplyDeleteBut I do think a big part of it has to do with whether or not your partner has a spine, and how old the children are when you come into their lives.
Even at 26, my Dad has a girlfriend, we certainly don't have anything like a mother/daughter relationship, but she has influenced me... I have found that I really enjoy scrapbooking and card making.
I can say this, if I hadn't taken the child to see plays TM would never have taken her (she always gets tickets after I get them), SD would never have tried some foods, as we eat them and all of a sudden mom is taking her to the same places we went and she wouldn't eat it with us but she will with her mom. It's such a competition, if we do something mom is doing the same thing a few weeks later. I really would hope that would rub off on her with school, but sadly it hasn't. As for reading, since for a while that is all the child could do in our house she started to read, mom is NOT a reader, so her teachers said that they noticed and improvement. Also, since we make her write essays when she is punished (the child's english teacher had to do the same as a child) her writing skills have improved. Maybe you are right, maybe we do have more influence then I though before.
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