Monday, February 28, 2011
Enough already
As of this coming Wednesday it's been a full 4 weeks since hubby has talked to or even seen the child. Since that time I have almost cleaned out and repainted the room she was staying in. Since that time I have also found, written on the walls, "I hate Stepmom!!" I get it. The child hates me. The child also does not respect her father enough not to deface the walls in his home. I want her out of my house, as in all the pictures and crap that is in my home reminding me of the little b*tch that she is, reminding me of the hurt and pain she has caused me. Yes, she does this because she has been poisoned by her mother, but why take it out on the person that has been on your side. Why not take it out on the person that hurt you, your mother and father. Why, because stepmom is the easy target. Stepmom can be trashed and if she leaves who really cares. I get that, but why do I have to have the reminders in my home? I know a lot of people will disagree with me and tell me that hubby has a right to have the pictues up that remind him of happy times, but what about my rights? Maybe I will get stickers and put them over her face. I mean I get that she is listening to her mom and she wants to believe her mom at all costs, but there does come a point in time in a person's life where it's not okay to act out on what someone else said. She's not mature, she's not smart, she's the bane of my existance right now. I know, I need to step back and let it go, which is why I haven't acted out because I would be acting out of anger and I would be no better then the child. I want to, the hurt in me wants to act out and hurt just like I was hurt. But enough already!
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Maybe the fact that you can and just did refer to her as a "little b*tch" would be why she hated you? Your posts have sure seemed happy that she's gone.
ReplyDeleteIt's sure sad that once again, a kid loses a parent. Thru a choice that shouldn't have been hers to make. But one that definitely made the new wife happy. From what you've typed at least....
I am sorry that things aren't getting a whole lot better. You're right it is hard to walk the line of whose rights take priority... your right not to have pictures of is daughter everywhere, or his right to have pictures of his daughter in his home. Obviously I haven't seen your home... are there a lot of pictures of her around? Is it possible to condense them into one or two rooms so they aren't in every room of the house? That way they are still there for him, but you don't have to see a picture of her everywhere you look.
ReplyDeleteAnd just as a side note to Amy... it was DH's and SD's choice for her to move out. This wasn't something Stepmomma Trouble pushed for or even initiated.
Amy, maybe she hates me because I married her dad and her mother has trained her to hate me. Maybe I am not the only one that calls her a little b*tch, her dad and her friends and family call her a little b*tch, because that is what she is. Yes, the decision made me happy, but it wasn't my decision to make. Did anyone make a decision in your life that made you happy and you had nothing to do with the decision itself?
ReplyDeleteThe Step In Mom, I agree, it is a fine line and I am getting to a point where I am able to be open and honest with hubby about my feelings. The pictures are in the living room and we have 3 walls in our home with pictures in the dining room and the stair way to the basement and the basement wall is full of pictures of just her. There is a huge picture, I think about 1 1/2 feet by 2 feet hanging up of the child and hubby. I'm okay with the pictures going into another room. I think the pictures of us as a family, the ones with her and my dad and such can be left up, but the ones with her and her friends and her alone can go somewhere else, like in hubby's play room in the basement. Thanks!!
Its a 14 year old CHILD. She's not an adult. It's not her choice to make.
ReplyDeleteBut, if I were as resented and disliked as that kid must have felt- I would have made the same decision. I'm sorry, but your blog really has come across as you don't like her and never wanted her around. That you were afraid that hubby would love her "more" than he loved you or "choose" her over you. 2 totally separate things. And no- I'm not a step. But I have done foster care which is dealing with a ton of the same issues. And most of what you describe feeling- comes from being insecure in yourself and your relationship. You seemed to be jealous of the child. Somewhat normal and a normal adjustment period especially in a case of rampant teen idiocy that you were dealing with. But you're still ok with your husband no longer being a PARENT just to make everything all better?
Nope- cop out. What are you going to do when your child screams "I hate you!". It happens. You give birth to this precious little being that hangs on every word you say and thinks you're a God. And then they turn into teens and they're rude and disrespectful and all you want to do is lock them in a cage till they turn 30. So what happens when you can't just send that problem away? Oh wait- people DO send them away. That's when I get them.
Amy, really now, it sounds like you are taking what is happening in my life personal. Basically, when you live my life and walk in my shoes you can pass judgements on my decisions and my husband's decisions. Since you do not have all the facts and you have not lived my life I will take your comments as an uninformed opinions. Why you continue to read and comment is beyond me.
ReplyDeleteAmy is right, she is a CHILD, but she isn't your child. And as WE ALL KNOW, step mothers do not have ANY RIGHTS to their step children, and have no footing unless both biological parents are accepting to the step mothers position.
ReplyDeleteYou aren't in the position to bring this child into your home, just like you weren't in the position to make/let her leave.
What Amy seems to forget is, sometimes it really isn't the step mother, it is the biological parents doing a shitty job. And in those situations there isn't much the step mom can do.
TSIM, you make a great point. There was a time when the child got hurt during her cheerleading practice and mom had to take her to the doctor. Well that weekend, when she was with us, she was still hurt and needed to go back. TM said she needed to talk to hubby, ALONE when we were all at cheerleading that weekend. So I took SD and her friend and we went to wait at the car. We drove the friend home and hubby texted me that TM said I was not allowed to be in with the doctor when the doctor told hubby anything. TM even went so far as to call the doctor and tell the doctor I was not to have ANY information, including what to give SD or how to take care of the injury. I do know that a foster or adoptive or biological parent would NEVER get that kind of treatment. But of course it is my fault that the child felt unwanted just because of the fact I am the stepmom.
ReplyDelete