Power Struggles Part I

In a blended family there seems to be such power struggles. Most of the families I know (blended of course) there seems to be a power struggle, either between TM, the kids, or both. Lets go back and look at these power struggles. TM doesn't like the boundries place upon her. Things like not calling after a certain time, not being able to walk in any time she wants, communication through email or text messages (so that there is proof of the conversation), and not having her ex-husband at her beck and call. There are parenting issues, as most blended families that I know have to parellel parent because TM will not co-parent. In our home I can say that TM HATES when DH tells her that we are the parents in our home that even though she tries to parent in our home, we have the final decision ability capibility. Case in point, there was a concert that was on our parenting time and SD was grounded, so no concert. Well TM bought tickets months before, and had she asked when she bought the tickets we would have switched days as SD was not grounded. So, when she asked hubby talked to me, I listened, and he asked what I could live with. I explained that I didn't think it was a good idea, as SD was grounded. He came up with the idea that if SD earned the right to switch days he would be okay with it. I agreed with him, as he has the final say. SD came back after hubby told TM his decision, and informed hubby that TM said that SD should not have to earn the right and it should be given to her. Hubby explained that SD was grounded and if she didn't want to earn the right to switch days then that was fine, it wasn't going to happen. SD though she was going, up until the day, then hubby picked her up and she threw a fit. Hubby explained to her that he gave her two options, earn the right or she didn't go, period. It doesn't matter what TM says she should or should not do, she does not affect what happens in our home. Of course I caught hell for it, as I am the easy target. Another issue is the ability to POP over to our house any old time, as we are not allowed to POP over TM's house we made sure she understood that the same rule applies to her. TM sent a nasty email to hubby because SD wanted to ride by her mom's house one weekend night. SD saw a strange car parked in the driveway and asked her mom about it later. TM then decided to POP on over to hubby's apartment and leave some paperwork for him. She didn't call or let him know what was going on and brought SD with her. We were not there so she left it under the mat. hubby gets a call from SD saying the paperwork was under the mat. hubby asks if she dropped it off or if TM did, TM drove and sent SD to drop it off. Now there are two issues here. One, TM gave SD the paperwork, it was divorce paperwork, that both TM and hubby agreed to keep SD out of so here was proof that TM was allowed SD access to the paperwork. Two, they stopped by the house without letting DH know about it. When Hubby called her on both issues she blew a gasket and tried to turn it around on him. Now TM likes to have control over schooling and doctor's appointments, to the point of not informing hubby of anything. Those are the power struggles we go through with TM. Tomorrow I will talk about the power struggles we go through with SD.