Anyone who has raised a teen or have been around teenagers knows that teenagers are a rare breed. They are at the age where they think they know everything and lash out at their parents, their teachers, and anyone else they think needs to back the hell off and let them live their life. Unless you are their best friend as a parent you are usually told things that make you feel like crap. Now, being a stepmom in this situation means you need to get everything that makes you happy and bunker down, you are in for a long hard road (in most cases).
Power struggles I have been faced with are the ones I will be talking about. "You can't make me, I make my own decisions." I love this little power struggle. We, as parents, cannot make a child do anything, not really. We can have consequences to actions but we cannot physically make a child do chores or homework or participate in counseling. One situation was the fact that we knew that SD needed (and still does need) counseling. We picked a counselor, met with her, brought SD to meet with her. SD was in counseling for a few weeks and we met with the counselor again. Guess what, the counselor said it was a waste of time and money. SD was telling her what she wanted to hear but wasn't being honest with her or herself. So SD proved us wrong, we could not make her get better. All we could do was force her to go, not participate.
"If you love me you will do this." I love that line. If you love me you will buy me these jeans that cost $300. If you love me this and that. When did love become conditional with parents and children? Teenagers from this generation seem to have this idea that parents have to prove their love to them. I really believe that it is due to how these children are parented and the parents that fall into that trap. I have one stepmom that's in a sitation that SD wants dad to move across the country to be by her and leave stepmom behind. Really!!! If dad loves the child he will leave his wife. When did that become okay? I understand that some power strugges are normal in teenagers, but really, who the hell would think things like this would happen? Things that I have heard from other stepmom's, I want to see you but I don't want stepmom there, in her own freaking house!!
One thing that we did was the child had a master suite room in our house. Hubby gave her this room when his brother was still living in the house so she didn't have to share a bathroom with a grown man. That was okay. He then spent about $3000 buying things that she wanted in the bathroom, a nice sink and a faucet that he didn't even want. A light for her room and curtains that she wanted (that I sewed to make work) and various other crap and that does not include the cost of things we needed to buy for the room, like the flooring and new toilet and such. So when hubby finally reached his limit with the lying and crap he said fine, you have just lost your room. And guess what, then the child didn't want to come over ever again. Because she had consequences she didn't want to face. So fine, hubby is done with the crap and he agreed. No more power stuggles with a child that won't tell her dad that she loves him back and won't call or text him anymore. He is not her father according to her. I just wish we didn't have to pay child support anymore.
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