Man, I had the best weekend with the girls!!! I have to say, if you are ever able to get away for a girls weekend, run, don't walk, to the nearest computer to book your trip. We are already trying to get together soon again. I didn't miss being a stepmom or wife one bit. One thing that the gals did talk to me about is the fact that it seems that my relationship with hubby is more of I'm his mommy type of relationship. Like he has mommy issues and I'm filling her shoes. Hubby's mom has passed away, about 7 years ago, and she was the ultimate mom from what sister-in-law says and from the pictures I see. She took care of everything and the kids could always count on her. I do a lot, from laundry, to cooking, grocery shopping, everything to make things run smoothly here. I don't mind doing it for hubby, as he does things for me, but it seems like he counts on me to call him out when things are not going well with his daughter. One friend told me that she has two parents and neither one acts like a parent and the only person that acts like a parent is me, the non-parent. I told that to hubby and he laughed and said that without me he would be a shitty parent. He can't tell his daughter no. Me, I have no problem telling people no, especially now. So now I'm looking at our relationship and thinking about the fact that I may be letting him off the parenting hook by doing things for him. It really is a work in progress. Oh, and my dad did say I'm a bit of a mother, with him and my brother, ever since I was a little girl. Talk about cruelties of fate, a mommy born but never a real mommy to be. So, for my own sanity I get to watch and wait a little to see how not to be mom and how to be me. WOW!!! Who ever thought all this would come out when I joined a step family?
Stay tuned for tomorrow's update, when the child comes home for the night and has to face the consequences of her actions this last week. Should be a good one. Night all and have a wonderful evening.
Ten years ago, I was a lot like you. I took all the credit for my husband's backbone, and it truly seemed like he could do nothing right without me. Boy was I wrong. Instead of a mother, he needed a wife to nurture his confidence in himself as a man and as a father. My controlling behavior was only stripping him of the little pride and masculinity he had left. A few years ago, I started backing off and letting him handle more by himself. It has made a very positive impact on our relationship.
ReplyDeleteWhen I first got married, I was much like you. Sadly, the steps grew to really resent me and now we have NO relationship whatsoever. I have since taken a back seat to parenting my husband's children. They are HIS children. I've already raised mine (and alone I might add).
ReplyDeleteMy advice --- please be careful. It is very painful when the steps turn on you. Like you, I have no problem saying no and frankly, am self confident enough to handle their hatred. But, it is a very difficult atmosphere in which to live and one I find myself leaving when they visit.
Hugs to you...
Mrs. Wayne and Talia, Oh how fine a line we walk. :) I talked to dear hubby last night about this very thing and his "defense" is the fact that he doesn't think of the things that I think of, like the child's safety and what not. I have no problem any more with the hatred that comes from the child, as it started before I started to say things to dearest husband, and it started when things were going well in our home. We are dealing with TM who will do everything in her power to undermind what hubby does as a father and undermind me in a personal way (I'm a husband stealer, a whore, a liar, etc.)Thank you for your concern, it means a lot to me!!!
ReplyDeleteWait...Are you me? Am I you? lol I swear you just wrote a story about me. I complain to my husband constantly that I'm his mommy. lol I swear sometimes he's harder to take care of than the kids!
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