Taking back your Power

At my favorite on-line support center (StepChicks) I've noticed a lot of ladies there talking about taking back their power. I wrote this right after the holidays but before new year:
So this year I learned a lot from the holidays.
1. I will not be participating in the buying/wrapping/mailing of gifts to others from SD. DH can handle that. This year he bought the gifts (with input from me and help getting him to do this), I wrapped the gifts, and I mailed the gifts. SD basked in the thank yous and complements, etc. from everyone being super appreciative of the gifts and how thoughtful she was, even when it was me who pointed out to DH that she got gifts for everyone but one person in the family and it wasn’t right to send gifts to everyone and leave one person out and DH and I picked out some of the presents without her as she really couldn’t be bothered. I even put the pictures in the ornaments to send out. The gifts were from SD and not from the family, even though she was 5% responsible, I was 60% responsible and DH was 35% responsible. And what did I get for all of this work. NOTHING. Not a thank you from SD or and thank you from DH. I actually got chewed out by DH because I was mailing everything and didn’t have the address of two people, SD’s family, and asked him to get the addresses and finally I told him to just forget it.
2. Cooking will not be my responsibility. Since SD doesn’t want to eat what I cook, only what her dad cooks, I will no longer be the one cooking. If this means we get take out and warm it up the next day then fine. If we don’t get a turkey dinner then we don’t get a turkey dinner.
3. I will not try to include others in my traditions. If DH and SD do not want to participate in my traditions then that is their choice. I will not allow their “happy” face just to be put down later. If they don’t like what I do then they can stuff it.
4. I will take time out for me. We have SD the second week of winter vacation next year so I will take the first week off of work to spend time with friends and family. I took some time this year, but I’m planning on manicures and pedicures for my local Stepmom and mommy friends. That will be my present to them and me.
5. I will only buy presents for DH, my family, and myself. Since SD cannot be appreciative of what I buy or what I do I will take myself out of the resentment game and not do it. I will not go out of my way to remember what SD likes or wants.
6. I will use my voice. If I am not happy doing something because of what is going on, I will say NO.
I am putting everything behind me and will use this year as a learning experience. My wish for the New Year is for all my Stepmom friends to learn from this year’s experience and to have a great 2011. I’m lucky because DH and I are spending this week, while working, bonding again. We are playing the video games (Tony Hawke and Just Dance 2) to get our work outs and spend time together. It’s time for me to remember why I married him; despite the fact he had a child. It’s time to find the joy in our relationship and the love we have for each other. It’s time to work on our Stepcouple Bubble and become the partners we once were. In 2011 I WILL NOT BE A MARTYR. I WILL NOT BE A MARTYR. I WILL NOT BE A MARTYR.
Hugs to all my friends. I hope this year brings peace and love.

You see, I truly believe that we all have some power in our lives and we forget or we want to please others so we don't use that power for good, we use it for evil. No one has power over us unless we allow them to have that power. I had some issues today at work, I'm at a different location helping out. The new person didn't get trained properly and I've been at my job for going on 5 years, so I kind of know what I'm doing. For the past 3 years I've been the go to person, if I don't know it I know where to get the information and I am the one who writes the procedures and tests things. I have a really good relationship with most of the people I know, why, because I ask questions, I'm polite, I give to them when they give to me, you know, I treat them like how I want to be treated. Well today, the gal I'm training had a little break down, she is intimidated by me, I use shortcuts and use acronyms for things, because that is how we talk about crap, and instead of asking what I'm talking about or to explain things (she's been with the company for 3 months and I'm not sure what she does or does not know) she breaks down because I'm making her feel stupid. She gave me her power. By not asking for help or asking me to explain something, she just allowed me to take her power and to make her feel like less. I didn't want to do that, I'm here for support and if she fails so do I, but I can't teach if someone doesn't ask questions or doesn't tell me they don't get it. I've also put myself out there for the company and if anyone needs help I'm the first in line to help, it's fun and it gets me noticed (in a good way) and I love the company I work for (most of the time) and the people I work with are amazing. So, how did I go from someone other people give their power to a person that gives away their power. I was like the girl I'm training, I was afraid of looking like a hard ass and not being accepted in my blended family. FEAR!!! Fear of looking like something we are not. We fear things ALL the time, but the biggest thing about fear is getting over it.
I did decide a little while ago to take my power back. I did that with the driving last Friday. I did that tonight when Hubby asked if I was ready for family life, I asked about SD and how she was doing. He has a problem, I came up with the solution if she were my child and told him what I would do in his shoes. If he does it, fine, if he doesn't, fine, but I told him how I felt and how it would be for a child of mine. MY POWER. I'm not afraid of what he will say or what he will choose, it's up to him and him alone. I also told him that I was not okay with SD choosing my parents as her grandparents without acknowledging the fact that I am a part of this family and I am her stepmother. I will not be refered to as "she" and if she wants the benefits of my family she will need to act like a respectful child in OUR home. She will need to respect me as a parent in the house, I didn't pick her as my family and she didn't pick me, but we love the same man and need to figure it out. I don't do disrespect and hubby will need to step up and be my partner, that or she doesn't get the benefits of my family, PERIOD. It's late where I am now, but I really needed to get some of this out. Night World.