The Calm After The Storm

So last night was the first time Sd has been over for a week (YEAH!!). Hubby wanted to go to Costco, I wanted to wait because I hate hate hate shopping with the child. Usually she reverts to a 5 year old, sitting in the cart, wanting this and wanting that, saying well mom bought me this and that and you need to buy this for me because I need it. So I was already on edge when we were driving to pick her up. Hubby made a good point and honestly our week nights are booked, so I put on my big girl panties and agreed. We get to TM's house and hubby calls the child to tell her we are there, we wait 10 minutes and she finally arrives. She gets into the truck, no word to me or hubby, but she is all over the dogs. Now, hubby and I have an agreement, if she acts like that and it's an overnight she still comes over (to the dungeon) but if she acts like that and it's a 2 1/2 hour visit she stays at her mom's house. I looked over at hubby and he just rolls his eyes and smiles. So shopping was a joy, I'm not being sarcastic. DH didn't let the child interupt our conversations and he didn't let her go on about what her mom buys. He said things like, that's nice, good for your mom, I don't want that in my house or he just plain ignored her. She got a little huffy but he stuck to his guns. I was walking tall next to him, really proud. So we get to the truck and start unloading, the child just jumps in and hubby tells her to get her butt out of the truck and start helping. WOW!! Of course she does as she is asked, she knows when it's allowed to act up and when it's not.
So we get home and she almost runs to her room, she's going to take a shower. 20 minutes later I turn the hot water off and I let hubby know I did this, she's already done with her shower (shoot!!) but stays in her room for another 40 minutes. Hubby and I are eating dinner and talking (whispering really). It got to the point where I told him that if we don't have the talk that I was done. He would not be allowed to complain about her attitude or her actions to me any longer. If he didn't want to take her to task for her rudeness and bringing me into their conversations, like she's on equal footing as I am, then I was done being a sounding board. Basically, put up or shut up. He said he was just waiting to have the talk.
We get done with dinner and hubby knocks on her door, "what!" "Come out, we need to talk." "What!" Finally she comes out and hubby starts in with her about her rudeness in her text messages in which she responded that she didn't think she was rude at all. I wanted to get my part done, so I walk into the room and said, "hold on, first let's talk about you involving me in this situation." I asked if she thinks we are on the same level, she said no, I asked if she thinks I need to ask hubby for permission to do things, she said no, I asked if she thinks she's an adult, she said no, I asked if she thinks I'm the child, she said no, I said who is he, pointing to hubby, she said my dad, I asked who else is he, blank face, I said, my husband, he is not my father, I have a father and I don't even have to ask my father if I can do things, that is the joy of being an adult. I asked who she thinks pay for my things and my fun, blank face, hubby said that I pay for my things and I play for my fun. I said that I'm the one who works for what I want, no one just gives me what I want, I am not a child. We got alot of "'okay" in that snarky teenage tone (anyone with teenagers or anyone who has been around rude teenagers knows the tone). Hubby said what do you need to say to stepmom, blank face, he said, how about I'm sorry for involving you in this, she said, fine sorry (rolling eyes and snarky tone). Here is where I turned into my father. "That tone of voice and eye rolling is not acceptable in this house" hubby started in with the tone and I noticed that she is getting ready to cry, I asked, do you even care? She said no, here is where hubby had it, he said, "fine, go to your room and this is the last night you will have that room, you are being moved!" The child said she didn't care.
Hubs and I went on to watch a movie and have a nice night, or as nice at it could be. I'm sorry, but I couldn't stop smerking and had to stop myself from laughing and smiling.
This morning on my way to take her to school, which we left 15 minutes early so I could get to work on time, I told her that if she would work on getting good grades and not being disrespectful she could have the things she wants within reason. I told her that life is hard and the only reason her mom, her dad, and I get to do the things we want to do is because we work for it. Life is full of choices and consequences of those choices and now she gets to live with the consequences of her actions. That she has a decision to make, either keep up her actions and attitude and continue on this path or make a change, no one could make her, but we can make it harder on her to continue on that path. I said that the next time she is at our house she needs to leave the attitude at home and she needs to fake it until she makes it if she even wants a chance to earn her room back. She actually said thank you when I dropped her off. Hubby said that she knows what is best for her and being rude to me would not work to her advantage. Yes, she is a smart kid and knows how to work people. All in all, I'm pretty proud and happy with how things went. Now to wait and see if it continues. We don't have the child this weekend, hubby traded with TM because her aunt is in town this weekend. So 3 weekends with no child and then 3 weekends with. I hope hubby is on board with moving SD's crap this weekend. :)
I can say thing about everything, I was okay if hubby didn't want to talk about the text messages or rudeness to him, but I was not okay with lettting the child get away with bring me into the situation or with her thinking we were on the same level. When we were shopping she was talking to her mom, and the tone made me want to slap her, like she's the adult telling her mom what to do, but I just shut my trap and tried to ignore it. If her mom allows her to talk to her that way that's her mom's problem, but the child WILL NOT talk to me like that! The child also knows that if she doesn't say thank you I won't do things anymore, had she not said thank you this morning she knows for a fact that would be the very last time I drove her to school, agreement or not, it is up to her mom and dad to get her to school unless she appreciates the extra I do. All in all I'm really happy with my life today.